IAM Blog Engine

As most of you probably know, dreams become increasingly hard to remember as time goes on, therefore I thought I’d share one of my own from last night before the details fade away.

First of all, “Ghostbusters: The Video Game” releases this Tuesday and, being a life-long fan of the movies, it feels like Christmas and New Year’s all in one! In my dream, I wasn’t playing the video game, I was actually part of it, as if the environment of the game became real, but this misstep in logic made perfect sense to me while dreaming. I had an actual proton pack and plasma stream gun with four different settings (based on what I understand from the demos and videos I’ve seen): charged plasma, low-energy charged plasma, green slime, and low-energy green slime. These could be selected via four small buttons right next to the nozzle of the gun.

I started by walking up a metal staircase along with at least one other Ghostbuster and at least five “civilians”, following me like a news crew but without any media equipment. Since the “video game” had just started, I knew that this “first level” was designed as a tutorial and my proton pack wasn’t fully upgraded (another tidbit I read from reviews of the game). At one point while playing around with the charged plasma beam, I blasted some french fries (they were just sitting on some bench in the building!), charring them a little. I eventually came to an arena that resembled that found in Laser Tag. Apparently, this part of the “level” worked as a multi-player element but with real people. We were required to wear goggles (like those worn by Stanz in the ballroom scene of the first movie) which had built-in headsets so teammates could talk to each other. My dream switched gears before any “combat” ensued.

The last bit of the dream involved driving with my family and aunt (just last week, I was in Florida with them) but with various things occurring around us. I remember there being a massive storm and as we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge (most likely reminiscent of one of the scenes in the latest Star Trek movie, which I saw this past Friday), we could see the doors of Gozar (first movie) atop the bridge instead of Dana Barrett’s apartment. In the back of my no-logic-needed dream-mind, I suspected that I was still playing the Ghostbusters video game. Although excited, I was also saying to myself, “Oh shit! Something’s about to go down!”

That was probably the coolest dream I’ve had in a while. ¡Viva las Rompefantasmas!

First-off, I apologize to Capcom about my response to Eurogamer’s sensationalistic preview of Resident Evil 5.  It turns out that the game after all, isn’t that racist given that there are two black characters who assist you throughout the game, one of which is the best thing to happen for southpaws since Link.The first thing that you’ll notice about Sheva is that she stands to the right of the screen and has an awkward run that’s different from every other third person game, the second thing that you’ll notice about her is that she aims with her left hand. The best part about this is that when two people play cooperatively, one person is stuck with Sheva and must deal with the neglect that we lefties have dealt with for as long as there has a been a right-handed norm. Forcing right-handed players to play as Sheva Alomar is the first step in the lefty plan to eventually force the right handed masses to suffer the same unfortunate chainsaw accidents that kill most southpaws before the age of thirty.

This may seem like too much elation but how many gaming protagonists besides Link and Sheva have you encountered that are left-handed? (Every single person in counter-strike doesn’t count since there is no difference between the Arab Guerilla Warfare terrorist Higharolla Kockamamie and the Spetznaz counter terrorist Vodka Gobalsky. For all you know, the terrorists may lose two players and Vodka may be drafted into the terrorists as a member of the Pheonix Connixicon. Vodka and Higharolla also both have no personality to speak off. Hell, their names may change during the round.) TL;DR, there are none. Diversity costs money and lefty gaming protagonists “run weird” to most right handed people, making the game less likely to sell.

However, Sheva may change that. If people play (and like) Resident Evil 5, then there may be more room for a left-handed protagonist. That’s right, Sheva is the first step in ensuring that a lefty option may someday be available in most shooters. And what’s so wrong with that? If games can allow for protagonists who are black (Riddick) female (Lara Croft) and homosexual (Hana Tsu Vachel) and still be commercially successful then why should the industry have avoided the dreaded left-handed shooter protagonist until 2009.Does a gun appearing on the left side of the screen really prove to be that much of a distraction?

But soon, soon one in twenty shooter protagonists will be left-handed. Soon we shall have our restitution. The lefties shall reign and right handed gamers will soon play games in which their left handed hero will have to deal with a random chance of an unfortunate chainsaw accident occurring. That’s right, feel our pain, mother****ers! Viva le lefty revolución!

Or do the new characters for Tekken 6 suck?

Bob is going to Git 'R' Done when he joins the new roster of Tekken fighters!

First, there’s Bob. This was not only a bad choice for a name since it’s also slang for Hwoarang, but Bob is also way too fat to be any fun with Tekken’s fighting system. Yes, Rufus worked in Street Fighter IV, but Bob doesn’t belong in a technical fighting game like Tekken since he’ll be way too hard to Juggle. Not only that, but he’s a total eyesore who doesn’t fit in with the perfect bodies of the rest of the cast. The only reason why this guy was made was so that the segway-riding fatasses can feel better about themselves after seeing Bob kick ass in a video game. There’s a better solution for those “people’s” self esteem issues, it’s called exercise.

Elliot! ... I mean Leo!

Leo is the least pitiful. Then again, he’s a copy of Elliot from Dead or Alive. It’s bad enough that Crimson Viper from SF4 was an amalgamation of various SNK designs, but Leo is the biggest rip-off since Ryo Sakazaki in Art of Fighting. What ever happened to the original character designs that this series was known for like Yoshimitsu and Hwoarang?

See more women of the Arab world without their veils at burqalessbabes.com

Then there’s we have Zafina, the Middle-Eastern belly dancer that every fighting game needs. Oh wait, she totally doesn’t belong. She’s supposedly an assassin, but we already have Nina, Raven, Anna, Yoshimitsu, and Bryan to fill that role, making Zafina incredibly unoriginal. I guess that she was included due to Namco’s need to have yet another assassin. Seriously, doesn’t Heihachi have enough people trying to kill him? I guess not. But hey, she’s an unveiled Arab chick! That counts as porn in her home country!

It's the REAL Duece Bigalow

And let’s not forget Miguel! Miguel is a bullfighter who is planning on making burgers out of the rest of the cast. What’s he going to do, expect me to charge at his cape so he can stab me? If they wanted to make a Spanish character, they could have utilized the numerous Basque fighting arts practiced in the country but instead, they make him a ****ing bullfighter!!!! Does anybody think that bullfighting techniques would ever be used in a fight between two people? (Or bears, Kangaroos or boxing velociraptors?) Seriously, this guy sucks.

Finally, a character that your five-year-old sister will like!

Alisa Bosconovitch supposedly melds Dr. B’s only fighting style with moves taken from Inspector Gadget. She’s this cybernetically enhanced Hannah Montana clone with chainsaws for arms. It’s pitiful to see that this is how Namco responded to the fans who wanted Dr. B. back. Not only does it look like she’ll have a massive range advantage but she’s simply too… cute for this game. With the pink hair and flowery outfit, she just doesn’t belong. I can honestly say that I’m truly pissed about this since I thought that the lame character designs stopped with Tekken 2. Seriously, how did Namco go from creating characters like Bryan Fury and Craig Marduk to this! Somebody seriously needs to sic Dr. Claw on this bitch.

Somebody saved last year's ACEN costume!!!

The worst of the bunch is Lars Alexandersson. He’s supposedly the Half-Swedish son of Heihachi Mishima but the fact that he’s 1. Blonde and 2. has a serious Dante fetish makes me think that he’s really just a weaboo who’s come up with an elaborate backstory to make people believe that he’s Japanese. I know people who are half-Asian and I can tell you that they always have black hair. He’s not Japanese and never will be although he probably speaks in Engrish to bring him closer to, “greater being of much rearry good Japanness of number one.” Seriously Lars, go back to your anime convention and stay out of my fighting game.

And now a picture of what Zafina wears at home!

Sexy burqa time!

Apparently EA sent some very illegal weapons to some game writers in support of the (awesome?) Godfather 2 game! Smooth move there, EA. Smooth.

I don’t like the Marketing Machine. Usually things go horrifically wrong when marketing is involved. I mean, wouldn’t some typical game swag (t-shirts, stickers, even tote bags) do just fine? Why weapons? That’s kind of nuts if you ask me.

Well, at least EA has requested  that the items are sent back to them. But as mentioned in the article, that most likely won’t happen.

Very weird, indeed.

The original article can be found here.

At the Game Developers Conference, Keita Takahashi, the guy who created the “Katamari Damacy” series, said that he decided to put his new game, “Noby Noby Boy,” on the Playstation 3 instead of the Xbox 360 not because the PS3 is currently the more popular system in Japan, but because he didn’t like how the Xbox 360’s analog sticks were arranged. Apparently, they are arranged diagonally, whereas PS3’s analog sticks are horizontal.

I’m just going to throw it out there and say that I have no idea what that means. The article was pretty short, and I wish more attention was given to describing exactly what the differences mean.

Takahashi also said that he hoped “Noby Noby Boy” does not sell well. I can understand if he cares more about the art than the money, but what I don’t really understand is why he would want it not to sell. I would imagine that any artist would want their art distributed and available to as many people as possible, especially if they were very passionate about a particular piece. If this was the case though, Takahashi would just offer the game for free. He might have meant something else though, like hoping “Noby Noby Boy” would be a cult smash like the “Damacy” series, and it just came out wrong, but it would be impossible for me, as a third person commentator, to know for sure.

For those crazy women out there that don’t find themselves automatically addicted to video games we have the wonderful DS pushers from Nintendo trying to make it more appealing. I had a good laugh at this one- According to Watercoolergames.org There’s now a ‘DS Spa’ where you can go and get messages and what not but are encouraged to play DS games while recieving such spa treatments. I love my DS lite, I carry it around in my purse and it means more to me than my wallet or cell phone, so this sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. At the same time, it just seems like such a silly attempt to try and get women into gaming. It’s like giving away cosmetics with purchase of DS games. (funny enough that would probably work….) and some direct advertising is included of course

“If in-mall massage-demos weren’t enough evidence of Nintendo’s commitment to advertising their wares to women, an accompanying brochure available at the pavilion offers the following invitation:

Nintendo DS is all about moments. Those moments between class or before work. Those moments just before you head out on the town with your girlfriends. … And if you’ve always thought video games weren’t made for you, you’re in for a pleasant surprise. Just like Carrie Underwood, America Ferrera, and Liv Tyler were.
The three celebrities named appear inside the brochure, playing DS games. Nintendogs, New Super Mario Bros., and Brain Age 2 are shown in particular.”

SO my thoughts are that this is some what genius, for those who enjoy a little pampering with their DS play, but a laughable attempt to get newcomers to pick up the DS at their local game stores.

The Evil Summoner FAQ was a blast to read, though it’s relevance to the class doesn’t really come in till the end, where we get the spoilerly bits. It’s essentially your basic Gamefaqs FAQ, except way more snarky and with a lot less detail. Essentially, it’s how to get through the game Summoner as quickly and time inexpensively as possible. He essentially throws out titular gimmick of the game (Summons) and claims it’s useless. He calls many of the character morons, and points out design flaws (such as the games confusing speed system, and the blunt weapon’s superiority to swords).

Now the end of the article is where Mochan tells us what he thought of the game’s story. He mentions that the plot wasn’t actually all that, but the writing was just pathetic. Furthermore, some of the things that happened in the game were just totally fake (like Joesph forgiving Flece). Or Jekhar’s lack of hateful behavior even though he supposedly hates Jacob. He even complains about the way time passes in the game.

Mochan’s problem with main problem with Summoner, despite its attempts to fuse oil and water (console and PC RPG’s), is that it lacks immersion, even though Mochan doesn’t say it implicitly. But if you look at what Mochan says, you can the problem is pretty apparent from the start. Really what Summoner really seems to have to fucked up on his the little, and with so many little things fucked up, Mochan can’t help but not take the game seriously.

Keep in mind though, he hated the interface too, which also decreased his immersion.

I turned on Metal Gear Solid 3 for the first time and couldn’t resist the Snake vs Monkey option.  So without any idea of what the controls are and having only played Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes on the Game Cube I launch the mission.  It’s fun how they make fun of such a well known “popular” (and I use that term loosely) Ape Escape game without fear of lawsuit.

After running around in circles knocking them out with what seems like a pez gun and my fists of fury I finaly realize I don’t know how to actually capute the little buggers. Maybe after I actually learn how to play the game I can enjoy this… interesting feature later on down the road.

Salen and Zimmerman’s “Play and Character” is another of their outlines of the titular section of the book. It details the philosophies and psychology behind the very thought of controlling another identity. It deals with how there is a buffering level of “metacommunication” that happens when disceting the levels of person, player, and character, which each have their own set ideals. Also, it describes how video games, RPGs and the like are all the most immersive media because it allows us to play with identity.

Mochan’s often hilarious “The Evil Summoner FAQ”  is a guide to the PC/PS2 game Summoner that tells the reader how to complete the game. However, instead of describing the ordeal out of love and pride for the game, it is done out of hate, detailing each of the game’s (many) exploits to beat it in record time. Each bit he puts in about how to play the game he adds tons of information on how the game is broken, what would make it better, and why you shouldn’t bother at all.
Seriously, why even play the game? Can’t you wait for reviews?

Bateson’s “A Theory of Play and Fantasy” is just that, a comprehensive look at the very idea of play and fantasy. His foundation for his theory is that both need an evolution in communication to exist at all. He says that if communication is left stagnant at it’s most basic levels, we can only denote actual meanings from actions or words. But as soon as our communication evolves to a point where one thing can mean another then we can add symbolic representation to it, allowing for fantasy and play. He goes on to talk about how this new level of communication develops new “frames” that we create in the world where a whole new context is created.

Of the readings I enjoyed the FAQ the most, but not because I necessarily liked it, but because it really made me think. I can understand where he’s coming from, I get caught up with game releases and often get let down with what I get. From that I’ve learned to rent, wait for reviews, or just wait for a price drop. But if I’m ever really dissapointed by a game I’ll never finish it. What astounds me is that although he hated Summoner he played the game enough to figure out all the bugs and poor design elements to exploit the crap out of it. If I were to hate a game that badly I’d never think of playing it through once, let alone put the time in to rip a game this badly. If anything, it shows the true grit of a real gamer. First, we feel we have to “work” to play games, and if a bad one comes along it wastes our time. But evidently, waste it that horribly and we’ll destroy you.

When first given the assignment to discuss an assigned blog I was a little stuck in my ways and wanted to write reviews about the blogs I follow on my own time such as GamePolitics and GayGamer but after a few days of moping and procrastinating I decided to give these other feeds a look. Well what do you know, on my list was a site called ThumbBandits and it immediately caught my attention. It wasn’t until reading through a couple of the threads and reading bios for the admins that I noticed this is a gamer blog written by and for female gamers. Being a female gamer myself, I was a excited and at the same time thought it was a little silly that I had found such an attraction to a site aimed specifically at women.

One of the threads that gave me a good chuckle is mention of how Fable II won the most Animal Friendly Award given out by PETA at their 6th annual Proggy Awards. This award makes sense, I cna’t think of a single game that would be more deserving of the award; Animal rights awards are not a common goal amongst game designers. But the part that made me grin was a reply from one of the subscribers saying ‘wait, isn’t this the game where i got an achievement for killing/kicking a chicken?’ no love for the virtual chickens of the world.